You know what they say about hope
by sweetlittlegirl
Summary: All his life, Draco tries everything to get his fathers attention or affection. He tries by all means necessary, always with the hope to one day make Lucius Malfoy proud. A short insight into Draco's mind during the books. Mainly canon storyline.


„ **You know what they say about hope. It breeds eternal misery."**

/Canon storyline with some gap-filling/

Important: Only canon directly from the books is taken into consideration here, not from the interview or other further information J.K. Rowling gave about the characters and their stories.

Also huuuuge thank to my beta Insania. You'r the best :))

This story was written for a promt I received from her aswell:  
\- "You know what the say about hope. It breeds eternal misery." (Quote from the tv show _Pretty Little Liars_ )  
\- Harry Potter Fandom  
\- Hogwarts Generation

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Not the quote and not the characters, I just borrow them for fun ;). As the term "fanfiction" states, nothing of the content, except for those two minor OCs, belongs to me and I don't make money out of this.

* * *

Draco was five when he first learned you couldn't always get what you want. There was this nice new toy and he wanted it. He really wanted it. He saw children play with it and they seemed to have so much _fun_! So he took all his courage and went to his Daddy.

"Papa, you know that toy unicorn Blaise has? Can I also have one like that? Please! I'll be super nice and I'll have super behavior next time grandpa and grandma come to visit!"

But Malfoy Senior only looked at him like he was suggesting to free all their house elves. Because Malfoys don't play just for fun when it isn't for a lesson they need to learn for life. And besides, five was far too old to want to play with unicorns. And to be well behaved was always expected anyway. No matter how much Draco begged and pleaded, Lucius stood by his answer. So, after a while, Draco just gave up and disappointedly went to his room.

* * *

When he was nine, he had long ago learnt to stop asking his father for things. He had just finished the task he'd been told by his home schooling teacher exceptionally fast and good. His teacher was very thrilled by his knowledge – especially for his young age – and had just walked out of the room with a smile on his face to the monthly report of Draco's progress to Mr Malfoy. Draco wished that maybe this time some of the teacher's enthusiasm might transfer to his father. But when Mr Salem had come out of the room, followed closely by his father, the latter one just went up to his study. No "I'm proud of you", no "Well done", no nothing. Not even an encouraging glance or a smile. Lucius Malfoy didn't even look at him. And – yet again – Draco felt utterly disappointed. What else would he have to do to get his father's pride or even just his attention? He had tried his best! So he just told himself that he'd try harder and become even better. For one day, he would be good enough.

* * *

Finally, it was time. He would study at the best magical school Europe had to offer! And he was starting today! His father had made it _very_ clear what was expected of him. He was to get sorted in Slytherin (naturally, where else?) and he was to make it into the Quidditch team. He was to proudly represent the Malfoy name. He was to befriend his father's colleague's kids (although he didn't really get how they were colleagues since he was certain they weren't even half as smart as his Dad and would never be able to do something so important). And he intended to do all that easily.

Word on the train was that Harry Potter, THE Harry Potter was going to be in his year. Like any child raised in a magical family, he knew that name, of course. Once his father had let it slip on time at dinner how fortunate it would be for their family to be on good terms with the Boy-Who-Lived. So now Draco saw his chance to help his father. He would befriend the young hero and his father would be proud of him for helping the family. So together with two sons of family friends, Crabbe and Goyle, (he didn't exactly understand why he should be friends with them, they seemed pretty stupid and useless in his eyes but he would do as his father had asked of him) he searched for Harry Potter. Draco found him together with another boy their age. He remembered meeting him at Madam Malkin's early that summer. Oh, had he only known back then who had been in front of him. But well, he would make up for it. He introduced his two companions and himself before offering his friendship to the black-haired, slim boy, acting the only way he knew: with confidence and pride about his name. He was sure the boy would be glad to have somebody to guide him, after – if you could believe the rumors – having to grow up in a _muggle_ family. His father always told him, how they were far behind the Wizarding World and mostly didn't even know about their existence. He had also told him about the family the boy who was with the young Potter belonged to. According to his father, the Weasley family was full of blood-traitors. Even though Draco didn't know the exact meaning of that term, by his father's tone of voice he was sure it was something very despicable. And why should he doubt his father's word? But it didn't go as he had planned. Harry Potter didn't want his friendship! And even worse, he preferred the redhead's friendship over Draco's! And on top all that, he, Draco, couldn't keep his façade, he let his confusion and anger be seen on his face. It was all that boy's fault. Because of him he wouldn't get the pride of his father that he had finally hoped to get. Draco didn't see what the big deal about this… this _kid_ was, anyway. Potter had seemed pretty normal, almost boring to him. He didn't even want someone like that as a friend.

* * *

The year Draco had expected so much of had been a huge disappointment. And he knew exactly whose fault it was. Potter and his little band of friends. First, Potter had declined his friendship. Potter had also managed to get on the Quidditch team before him. Then, that mudblood Granger got the title of best in class, not him. After that, while trying to make up for those failures, he only put himself to shame. And lastly, his house had lost the house cup to Gryffindor on _the last damn day!_ He knew he had let his house down. And worse, he had let his father down. Instead of making him proud, he had been nothing but a disappointment. But actually, it was all the fault of that Potter boy. Had he just agreed to be friends with him, this all would have happened very differently! And so Draco made it his goal to show the young _hero_ , what he had done. Because it was all _his_ fault.

* * *

The following years were an endless attempt to finally defeat Potter and make his father proud. Meanwhile, he stayed friends with Crabbe and Goyle, just like his father had asked of him. His first impression of them had proven itself right: they were stupid and useless. Draco, of course, also had other friends. But they were all people his father approved of, mostly other children of his father's colleagues, like Blaise Zabine (he still hadn't figured out in which way their parents were colleagues though, but he knew better than to ask). In his second year he also made it into the Quidditch team and he was determent to be the best. But, again, Potter was better. No matter what Draco did to get his father's approval, it seemed like Potter was always in his way. But that only made Draco strike harder to reach his goals and to finally, finally make his father proud of him.

* * *

He was fifteen when he first wanted to introduce a girl to his parents. She was a Slytherin and they had some classes together. Her name was Violet Stanish. She was a halfblood, but had known her whole life about her magical heritage. Draco had brought her home for dinner during one of the holidays. The girl got along with his mother as she was very polite and his father also seemed to not hate her at least. Draco, once again, got his hopes up. Maybe this time he had made the right choice. All in all, the dinner was very smooth and at the end of the evening, as he accompanied her to the fireplace from where she would floo back home, an unusual smile was seen on the young Malfoy's face. It vanished as soon as he turned back to his parents and saw the sincere look his father gave him.

"Son", the older Malfoy began "I understand that you wish to enjoy your youth. And that girl seems very nice and beautiful. But I hope you are aware that she does not fulfill the terms to become a future Malfoy and to continue the family line. And while you might not care about this yet, you should always keep it in mind, thinking about your future." He didn't precisely say it but Draco knew it anyway why his girlfriend was not "Malfoy material". She was no pureblood. She wouldn't be able to continue the old family line in a way that was worthy of a Malfoy. And even thought Draco didn't even think about marriage and having kids yet, he knew what was expected of him. One week later he broke up with Violet Stanish. It wasn't the end of the world, he got over it after some time, but it was yet another proof that his life didn't belong to him, that he wouldn't ever be able to just do what he wanted.

* * *

His sixth year was another proof of that. On his arm was now the tattoo that showed everyone that he belonged to the Death Eaters like the rest of his family. Lucius Malfoy had told his son to wear it with pride as it was a sign of how much the Dark Lord trusted him. But Draco didn't know what to think about it. Because with the tattoo there came responsibilities. One special responsibility for him. And while he didn't want to disappoint his father and he sure had done his fair share of things he wasn't exactly proud of, Draco wasn't sure if he was capable of killing a human. And that was what was asked – no, expected – of him. To kill Dumbledore and therefore help the Dark Lord reach new levels of power and control.

* * *

He had failed. He wasn't able to do it. Snape had to take over because Draco just couldn't get himself to do it. His father had been utterly disappointed in him. Then his father was banished to Askaban and his family did anything they could to get back in the Dark One's good graces. Their home became _his_ home. But it wasn't ever really a home for Draco. There was no warmth or feeling of belonging. Just a feeling of duty. Duty to do what his father asked of him. Duty to do what would help the family. Duty to do whatever was necessary to survive. Duty to fight on the "right" side in this war that had begun.

* * *

The war was over. Potter had won and the Dark Lord was dead. Everyone around him was celebrating. He stood behind a corner and watched them all. They were happy, so damn happy! Why couldn't _he_ ever be so happy? That wasn't fair! _Well, I guess that's what you get for acting like an idiot all this time. Well done._ He thought to himself. But apart from that there was a tiny part of himself that for the first time in what seemed like forever allowed him to have some hope. Maybe now things would change. Of course, first he'd have to pay for his crimes but maybe afterwards there would be a better life for him. A life that didn't just long to finally get some attention or even affection from his father. A life that didn't strive to finally be enough, but one that was _just fine_. A life where he could do what he wanted. A life he had dreamed for to happen for so long but that he never dared to wish for, in case it wouldn't work.

Of course, he should have known that he'd be disappointed once again. Well, his life was better. Since he never severely harmed anybody, he got off with a rather light punishment. His father wasn't so lucky. Mr Lucius Malfoy would probably forever stay an inmate of Askaban until he either died or got the Dementor's kiss. Mrs Malfoy almost broke at this news of practically losing her husband. So Draco did his best to help her. He stayed with her after the war, even though he wanted nothing more than to get away as far as he possibly could. He took care of her. She was his mother, after all. So no matter how much he wanted to, he didn't leave. And when the time was right, he married a woman his mother found fitting for him. A pureblood, what else? _Your father would have wanted that!_ Narcissa said. _He would want it that way and he would be proud of you for continuing the family line._ But Draco knew better. His father was never proud. Still, he did what his mother wanted. And not that her pick wasn't good. No, Astoria Greengrass was a very friendly and well-behaved lady. Not too stuck up but also not too loose so it would set off his mother. She was also beautiful and intelligent. He really couldn't complain. But Draco felt no affection toward her. Sure, he thought she was nice, it was easy for him to talk to her and he would have to be blind not to see her beauty, but had he only met her in school, she would have just become a friend of his, maybe at best even his girlfriend for some time but never more. But, as always, he fulfilled his family's expectations.

* * *

Over the years, he had learnt to love Astoria. It wasn't the romantic kind of love, more the practical, friendly kind. They got along just fine and their life together was comfortable. After some time they decided to have a kid. The day their son Scorpius was born was one of the best in Draco's life and he could say with a clear conscience that in that moment when he first held his tiny little son, he truly loved his wife for giving him this amazing gift. From that day on he swore himself that his son would have a better life and that he would never allow his kid to give up hope the way he had. So he raised Scorpius with all the love he could give and made sure to always show him how proud he was. Sure, he didn't act right all the time and he wasn't a perfect father, but after all he was a Malfoy and – as he now knew – that meant to make loads of mistakes. But he tried his best. Therefore, as his son was on his way to Hogwards and nervously wondered which house he might end up in, he could agree wholeheartedly with Astoria when she said that it didn't matter because they would love him no matter the Hat's choice and that each house had its own qualities. For him, it really didn't matter. It didn't matter which house Scorpius got in, if he was the best of his year or somewhere in the middle or if he made it on the Quidditch team or not. What mattered was that his son's happiness.

Because although hope might be lost for him, he strongly believed that his son would be able to carry that precious hope and keep it.

* * *

Songs I heard while listening that might've influenced the mood:

Digital Daggers – The Devil Within

Digital Daggers – I Surrender

Edna bricht aus – Kindheit

Sum 41 – Still Waiting

Katzenjammer – Cocktails and Ruby Slippers

Kelly Clarkson – Already Gone

OC:

I'd like to strongly point out that my OC Violet is NOT a Mary Sue. Those characters (as well as Gary Stues) annoy me as much as everyone else. So NO, she is not a way for me to write myself into the story. She's also not the big one true love of his life. I just thought it would be unrealistic if there wasn't anything happening in Draco's life besides the feuds with Harry. Because that would make his whole life focused towards Harry and _that_ would tend to much towards Drarry and that's not where I wanted this story to go. It's not that I have anything against that ship and I am aware of the fact that this story's first half (and with some fantasy probably also the rest) can be continued towards a Drarry ending. But that's not what I wanted to happen. I just wanted to give a _possible_ insight into Draco's mind in the Canon story. I wanted to explain, why he might have acted the way he did in the books. I am _not_ saying that this has to be what the background was like, it's just my thoughts on it. Also, I don't show my opinion (e.g. in the part where he talks about Harry and his friends) I'm just trying to figure out what he might have been thinking. My deepest apologies if he was anywhere out of character. I did my best to try and understand how his mind works but it is so different from how I think that it wasn't always easy. And, at last, I'm not exactly sure what happened in the time between the end of the war and the epilogue. I tried to find something on it but I couldn't find any details so that's just my version going by the books.

My beta Insania informed me that the things I wrote don't actually go along with the information Rowling gave about Draco's future, since actually none of the Malfoy family ended up in Askaban after the war and Draco's parents disapproved of Astoria. But I only got those information after I had already written this whole thing and I didn't see anyway how I could change those parts without changing the whole story. I hope you understand that., hethought to himself.

At last I'd like to say that English is not my mother tongue, so please forgive any mistakes that might still be in there.

Hope you liked the story :)


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